almost break

Simultaneously happy and sad at the same time. Talk about bipolar, huh. Happy because I'm going home tonight (if my mother gets here in time for it to be tonight), because I get to see my brother, and my dog, and the rest of my family, because I get my own room tonight, because Christmas is coming, because I am FINALLY done with exams. Sad because my roommate is potentially leaving tomorrow FOR GOOD. As in, I may not ever see her again...that is, if I can't go to Colorado in March. So I took her out to dinner tonight, my treat, finally (she's only paid for dinner about a million times). Hopefully all goes well with her flights, and everything, and maybe if I'm lucky, I'll see her again...

I need out

I don't know what I did to upset you, but I know I did. You told me so. I just don't know what I did. I wish you would tell me, because I feel like sh*t now anyways, so it would just be easier if you would pile it on and I could get all of this out of the way now.

Thanks.

To Do:

Dear Tracy,

you need to complete the following list of things before you leave tomorrow:

1. finish frosting shannon's cake
2. laundry
3. finish cleaning up your side of the room
4. make sure all the stuff you need is printed. if not, go print it!
5. actually type up the facts the way they are supposed to look in your book
6. pack!
7. straighten hair
8. clean off desk
9. deposit check in the bank
10. take some money out to go to shannon's this weekend
11. anything else you think is important

Do not waste your time breathing, eating, or sleeping. They are unnecessary tasks.

Dear School,

I'm super busy, and it's all your fault. I have no time to breathe, and I'm debating not sleeping. You. Suck.
I'm very excited to see Shannon tomorrow, and I'm super psyched to give her the cake I'm making her and her birthday present. I hope she likes them both.
Ok, break time is over, and my life still blows. Ha.

Home for Thanksgiving

I'm hanging out here with 3 of my best friends from home. I'm loving being around them. It's nice to know that even when you've been gone for a few months, there are still people who want to hang out with you and see you. Truth be told, I'm not entirely sure what people think of me here, at home. I know my family loves me, and I know that my friends who I'm with love me, but I have no idea what everyone else thinks of me. By everyone else I mean the people who I used to hang out with. The rest of band, my fellow trackies, my other ridiculous friends who I never really get a chance to see anymore...I feel like a lot changed the summer between senior year and college. I feel like a lot of people don't see me the same, or don't see me as being very fun anymore. It makes me nervous...I know I've changed, and I know that some parts of my life, such as my relationship, may make people nervous and a little uncomfortable, but I really am still a fun person. I haven't forgotten what happened that summer, and I haven't really let it go completely, but that's my business. Whatever they heard probably isn't right, because I never had a chance to tell anyone myself. They all only heard one side of the story. I feel like whatever was said is just out there now and there's nothign I can do about it. So many people don't talk to me, or look at me like I've done something wrong. No one will tell me what they were told about what happened. What if it's wrong? It may not be, but they seem to treat me differently because of it, and no one will talk to me about it. It isn't like it went on unknown. I mean, really. Most everyone who knew us has heard about it.

I guess there's just nothing like feeling like a stranger in your own town.